I woke up this morning automatically scheduling the decades of my daily Rosary through the errands I have to do today. Between all the work, the commute, and engagements for tonight my devotion is broken up into an almost unrecognizable prayer that would last for 12 hours that the end seems to me now is something I couldn’t wish for more than a football fan would wish for a “Hail Mary”.
It used to be effective in muting my conscience by thinking that I am only trying to fill up my idle times with prayer times. Well, not anymore. Not that it is not good to do such but it is my behaviour that is unacceptable anymore, because not only I have learned to fill my idle times but it has now become a routine- that prayer times can only be during idle times.
Whenever I make the sign of the cross I am aware that I am preparing myself to be transported to a place where I am going to have a conversation with our Lord. No appointments made and with a complete disregard for His availability I commanded Him to be there to spend some time listening to me but only to hear me say, “Wait, I just have to get on this bus” or “Hold on, I just had an interesting thought”.
I know that whenever I pray I am “standing on Holy Ground”, He is exactly where and when I asked Him to be but the place and time have become where and when only sometimes I was. So on one hand, it is good that I know where He is and that He will always be there, but on the other, whenever I step out of it to do something else I am actually going where He is not.
It is not fair. And not because He deserves more from me in the sense that He needs my complete attention to make Him happy and feel godly, because there is nothing in me that will benefit Him since He is the source of all things, but in the sense that everything I have I ought to give. My time, attention, and everything I have to Him I should give and what better place is there to start with than in my daily prayers.